Parenting those PK's

The Hendricks Clan

With June being the month of Father's Day, May being the month of Mother's Day and both months being filled to the brim with high school and college graduations, our minds inevitably turn to those little -- and not so little -- people that God has given us charge over.

So this month in the Garden we'll take a look at mothering our PK's -- or pastor's kids.

Since this blog began in January of this year, we ministry wives have shared a lot about the unique challenges that come with our roles. We wives of those men on the front lines of ministry enjoy countless blessings as we minister alongside our husbands. We also experience frustration and trials that oftentimes only we "get."

But it has to make you wonder... If I, a fully-matured woman of God, struggle in my role as the pastor's spouse, how must my children struggle at times? They are young and immature. They've not fully matured emotionally, mentally or spiritually. They are only kids.

Every now and then, God gives us a glimpse into the hearts of our children. Just yesterday, I had the blessing of a glimpse into my 15-year-old son's heart. A precious gift indeed.

With his permission, I'd like to share my son's Facebook status about being a PK:

"I wonder how different church people would treat me if I wasn't a pastor's kid. Idk [I don't know], and maybe other PK's can relate. There's a stereotype of pastor's kids, which is: either super snobby and rebellious OR Goody Goody Christian kid. I wonder what it's like to just be me, and erase the big billboard over my head that's labeled "PASTOR'S SON" and have the church folk treat me as I am. But what am I? I guess ya'll can decide that one for yourselves. Either way, I'll just keep on following this God dude that every single person in this congregation can't wrap their heads around."

Wow. That's all I can say.

Actually, I've got an idea how he feels. But then again, I don't know how a 15-year-old boy feels what he feels. It's got to be frustrating. It's got to be trying. It's got to get old at times.

And yet all I can do is encourage my son -- and all my children -- to continue to walk with Jesus, seeking to please Him first and Him most. We humans are fickle anyway. You can never please all of us all the time.

But God's love is unconditional, compassionate and never-ending.

I've been studying the Old Testament book of Jonah, and just today I came across this beautiful reminder:

"...You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity." Jonah 4:2b

God is a perfect parent, unlike myself. He gets it right every single time. And He loves our children more than we possibly could.

So let's release our precious ones to Him. Let's bathe them in daily prayer. Let's allow them to fail and get back up, all the while being consumed by the grace and mercy of our heavenly Father.

And let's remind them that before they were ever a PK, they were a GK -- God's Kid.

And thank the Lord, so are we.

Love,

Carla Adair Hendricks *

Do your children struggle with being PK's? Or has life been rather status quo for them? We'd love to hear your stories in our comment section!



* Carla Adair Hendricks began A Pastor's Wife's Garden weekly blog to encourage and empower other ministry wives. To read more of her personal story, click here.

Surviving the Land Mines of Ministry Marriages

by Carla Adair Hendricks *

I've got a secret Ladies. Come closer and I'll whisper it in your ear.

Marriage is hard.

That's right. Three solitary words. Not rocket science. No "OMG!" response required. I think we'd all agree.

Now I've got another one for you...

Marriage in ministry is harder.

If you don't believe me, just ask the young pastor that attends church alone these days. Without his wife beside him.

Just ask the couple bouncing back from the Pastor-husband's emotional affair, the affair that stripped him of his pastoral title and recording deal.

Just ask any man or woman serving in full-time ministry. Just ask me.

The statistics tell the story:

• 52% of pastors say they and their spouses believe that being in pastoral ministry is hazardous to their family's well-being and health
• 57% would leave the pastorate if they had somewhere else to go or some other vocation they could do
• 70% of pastors don't have any close friends; 56% of pastor's wives say that they don't have any close friends
• 80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with their spouse
• 80% believe that pastoral ministry affects their families negatively
• 94% feel under pressure to have a perfect family
• 75% of pastors report severe stress causing anguish, worry, bewilderment, anger, depression, fear and alienation
• 1,500 pastors leave their ministries each month due to burnout, conflict or moral failure

Okay, so what do we do with the reality we face? How do we authentically admit to the difficulties of this ministry life, yet remain positive and joyful? How do we ministry wives remain afloat with so many lifeless casualties floating down the river past us?

We stand.

Ephesians 6 says it this way: Finally be strong in the Lord and in his might power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then... (Verses 10-14)

Our real battle is with an invisible enemy. Not with our husbands. Not with that annoying or antagonistic church member. And the battle will not end until Jesus takes us home. So we must stand.

Stand on God's Word. Stand on His promises. Stand in constant connection to Him. Stand in submission to Him first, then our husbands. 

We must stand in the face of adversity and strife and strain. Stand when fellow soldiers fall on the battlefield beside us. Stand as if our very lives depend on it.

I'll end with Donnie McClurkin's Stand. Be encouraged...

Will you stand with me, my Sister?



* Click here to read Carla's previous post and here to read more about her.