WORSHIPPING in LOSS

By Monique Zackery

 “At this, Job got up and tore his rob and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: 'Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.' In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.” – Job 1:20-22

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Loss is hard—really hard. This you already know. I’ve recently discovered that loss while you’re leading in ministry can be even harder. To lead out of brokenness and grief is one of the most vulnerable places to be. That’s where I found myself earlier this year.

My husband and I have been married almost five years and have been praying for children. By the grace and power of God, He allowed us to conceive. I worshipped God for our gift… a prayer answered!

Fast forward to now….

I sit here typing almost eight months later with a belly that never grew and a heart that broke into a thousand pieces. We miscarried.

It’s interesting that just weeks before then I had been studying Job. I was blown away at his response to tremendous loss. Within less than twenty-four hours his livestock were stolen, his servants were killed, his sheep were burned, and all of his Sons and Daughters lost their lives after a house collapsed on them. And what did Job do? Yes, he wept. Yes, he mourned. But his immediate response toward God…

He worshipped.

The resounding question in my mind has been, “How?”

You see, this really hit home for me because part of my role in ministry is not just “Pastor’s Wife". It's also “Worship Leader”.

Oh, I worshipped whole-heartedly when that little blue line appeared on the test. I fell to my knees in tears of joy, praising God, for He had given. I cannot say the same thing happened the moment that sonogram revealed our reality.

I’ve wondered how Job could, in the same breath, say “the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”

I’m still on the journey to find the full answer to that question. I am still leading out of my brokenness. I love what Shannon shared with us in her post two weeks ago: “What ministry requires, none of us have the capacity to give. We have to limp every morning to His waiting arms.” This seems especially true in grief.

As I continue to lead our local body through worship, one of the main things I’m taking away from this season of loss is this:

True freedom in worship will come from an un-offended heart towards God.

Although anger tends to be a taboo topic in the church, it is one of the universal stages of grief. And although God does not do any wrong, it's possible for us to charge Him with wrong doing in our suffering. After speaking with many Christian women who have experienced miscarriage, I learned that carrying an offense towards God after loss is almost as common as crying. 

I'm learning that sometimes God comes through for us in His own sovereign way, as oppose to the way in which we hoped He would have. It seems Job was able to worship freely in grief because “he did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing”. (Job 1:22)

Sweet sister, if you have experienced any type of loss that has resulted in an offense [whether it be loss of a loved one, miscarriage, any type of trauma, an unanswered prayer, or even moving away from family, friends & comfort to answer the call of ministry], I pray that you will release that unto our Lord.

It’s in the moments of releasing an offense that we can see clearly how God is sovereign and righteous in every way. He truly is the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, near to the broken hearted, and Savior to the crushed in spirit.

May we always see Him as the Perfect One He is—Healer in loss and in grief—worthy of praise at all times.

On the road to healing,

Monique Zackery

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Monique is a Northern California Pastor's wife. When she isn't glueing her fingers together in a D.I.Y. project, you can find her worshiping God through music and everyday life.  Above all, she desires to be an arrow, pointing others to Jesus. To learn more about Monique, you can visit her family ministry blog at www.TheZackerys.blogspot.com.