Three years ago my husband made a trip to Kampala, Uganda, to visit and help out our missionary friends on the ground there.
He took three malaria pills (Mefloquine) that changed the next two years of our lives.
When he returned home he had
jet lag just like everyone experiences, except it didn't go away. Then other symptoms were added to the fatigue: Severe anxiety attacks, heart
palpitations, body pain, headaches, loss of appetite, and insomnia. It was a severe central nervous system
reaction to the Mefloquine.
We started to read and
learned that if Matt were able to
recover it would take approximately two years.
Three years later he occasionally gets
symptoms but is mostly better.
Early in the illness, my daughter said, I feel like my dad went to Africa and never
came back.
I wondered if I would ever
have my husband back the way I knew him before. Every night for the first eight months I cried myself to sleep.
Early on, though, I
accepted this illness from the Lord as an opportunity to learn to serve my
husband. I had been praying through the
year before that God would help me grow in my ability to humbly serve people. Wow did I get to practice.
My husband needed ice
packs and back massages. He needed me to
carry his chore load. I prayed
through it –thanking God for giving me the lessons in serving I had asked for.
But it was hard. And lonely. Our social life dwindled to nothing because Matt barely had the energy
to get himself to work every day, let alone enjoy life with anyone. In that loneliness I reached for the Lord,
and He was there. I found in God an
intimate companionship I had never experienced before.
Those first two horrible years of illness
make me shiver when I think about them.
So much pain and struggle.
And I love those two years. I’m not the same person I was before Matt
stepped off that plane and into a season of illness. Our marriage is deeper since we have
experienced the sickness part of “in sickness and in health”. My relationship with God is stronger.
Have you lost
something?
Welcome the loss. Despite the grief and struggle, accept what
God is handing you and lean into it –learning and growing. It can be beautiful.
Christy Fitzwater is a pastor's wife and the mother of two teenagers in Kalispell, Montana. To get to know her better, visit her devotional blog site "Off the Shelf" at http://www.christyfitzwater.com/.
Christy Fitzwater is a pastor's wife and the mother of two teenagers in Kalispell, Montana. To get to know her better, visit her devotional blog site "Off the Shelf" at http://www.christyfitzwater.com/.
Thank you for sharing your story here, Christy. What a challenging word to "welcome the loss". You're so right. Beauty can come from loss as the potter molds us through it all.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm glad your husband is feeling better.
Thanks, Monique -me, too!
ReplyDelete