Monday, February 20, 2012

Finding the One in LOnely

by Shannon Milholland

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
Luke 5:16

It's crushing. My soul gasps for relationship but attempts collapse. The pain of loneliness is palatable. As a pastor's wife there is usually no need to withdraw. We live, work and worship in lonely places.

We forge a deep, abiding relationship with our husbands but places of our hearts are a mystery to him.

We find satisfaction in the ordinary rhythm of caring for our home and family, but underneath the drum of solitude beats.

We delight in serving our King but find His courts an empty, solitary place.

How can we as pastor's wives fill our God-given craving for female companionship?

Seek Relationship Beyond Your Boundaries - Don't expect your new best friend to occupy the rocker next to you during your nursery rotation. But you might find her in a community Bible study, on a non-denominational ministry board or in the school PTA. Jesus withdrew to a safe place. We'd be well-advised to find a safe place outside the brick and mortar above which our church sign hangs.

Consider Going Cross-Country - I'm not advising ultra-marathons or running away from your family to join the circus. With the world wide web, communities like A Pastor's Wife's Garden are just a click away. We can find a place to pour out our hearts and pray without even leaving our favorite chair.

Re-Kindle Old Loves - Sorry girls, your college sweetie is off limits, but your college roommate probably isn't. Consider reconnecting with a sorority sister, a girl from your hometown or pretty much any woman who knew you pre-POW. (POW = the pastor's outstanding wife!) Sometimes the one who's known you the longest can be an oasis in a relationship desert.

This week let's face our loneliness. No we didn't have to withdraw to get there but we can commit to pray for each other in our lonely place. We can take a single step out of the shadow of lonely and into the light of relationship. Most importantly, we can seek the One Who guarantees we're never alone in our lonely.



* To read Shannon's bio and her previous post, click here


  1. Shannon, I love your words here. They are so true! Being in ministry can be so lonely. Not just for wives but for our husbands too! Curtis and I have found that prayer works wonders in this area. When we first got married this was on our prayer list. Now, four years later, the Lord has provided us with multiple, healthy and deep relationships with fellow believers & ministry leaders in our church and around the country. It took some years of patience, but the Lord knew our need and heard our cry. :) Thanks for your words here. You're such a blessing and I know this will encourage many. :)

    1. Monique, thank you so much for this word of hope. God hears our cry. He will answer!

  2. WOW! God provides what we need just when we need it! I have been feeling so lonely lately and have been giving myself pep talks, "Becky, STOP!!! You are just having a pity party for yourself." I honestly thought I was the ONLY Pastor's wife that felt this way at times. I came across this blog during my internet search. How encouraging to know that I am not the only Pastor's wife that feels this way. That this is a normal thing we go through. Thank you so much for posting this.


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